KIBAKI: ni pumbafu tu...ona sasa inavuka barabara pekee yake, si itagongwa na gari?..useless
BARAZA: where’s my gun?
UHURU: i own that chicken..i also own that road
MURUGI: ikigongwa na toa nguo zote
KALONZO: imevuka side ya left? ..ama side ya right?..
RUTO: that is not true...it only happens in the movies, ThIS is strange to me.. .
ATWOLI: strike, strike uuuuiiii!
RAILA: anafanya nyef nyef!
SONKO: mzeiya.. .hiyo si kuku..hiyo ni dush... za gotea hiyo story
JULIE GICHURU: Who owns that chicken.......??
ALFRED MUTUA ...the govt has confirmed reports that there were no chickens crossing the road...
BONOKO DE:.... Hiyo sio kuku....ilikuwa ina taka kuchomewa pare ngara na omondi...sasa ndio baraza akakuja na kuipiga risasi halafu akaikelea bonoko....sio kuku..
JIMMY GATHU.. so ata baada ya mazungumzo kuhusu kuku kuvuka barabara...bado hujaacha mipango ya kudanganya wakenya!
MOI: ....Kuku gani...kuku ninayojua tu ni ya Ganu...hao wegine ni vifaranga!
SANG ARAP:.... Pliz pliz nawaomba muuze iyo kuku nipate fare ya hague ..pliz ishikeni..
ALSHABAAB DUDE: ...*spits a mighty kikohozi*...Bahari gani ya kuku nasema inavuka barabara....mimi naona magureneti ya TFG na kenya army too...abana ona kuku hapa...
ATWOLI .....wooooi shindwe shetani...kuku barabarani...foolish...matatu zote zina strike kutoka kesho...!
ONGERI ....This hens or as u cal them chickens ..have perfected their methods of crossing roads..they use slippers...
Tea-Bag Buju..... wat! This is my post unatumia....u shuld learn to know people...*mapua pincher*
Wednesday, 1 February 2012
Do i look like???
A newlywed couple moves into their new house.
One day the husband comes home from work and
his wife says,
.
.
"Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of
the pipes was leaking, could you re-paint the wall?"
The husband says,
"What do I look like, Mr. Peter Marangi"
.
.
A few days go by, and he comes home from work
and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start.
I think it needs a new battery. Could you change
it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Chloride?"
.
.
.Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard.
The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says,
"Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?"
He says, "What do I look like, Mr.Galsheet?"
.
.
.
The next day the husband comes home, and
the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car.
He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a
handyman come in and fix them," she says.
.
.
"Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls.
Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either
baked him a bread or slept with him."
.
.
"Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the
husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Mr. Supaloaf?"
One day the husband comes home from work and
his wife says,
.
.
"Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of
the pipes was leaking, could you re-paint the wall?"
The husband says,
"What do I look like, Mr. Peter Marangi"
.
.
A few days go by, and he comes home from work
and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start.
I think it needs a new battery. Could you change
it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Chloride?"
.
.
.Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard.
The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says,
"Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?"
He says, "What do I look like, Mr.Galsheet?"
.
.
.
The next day the husband comes home, and
the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car.
He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a
handyman come in and fix them," she says.
.
.
"Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls.
Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either
baked him a bread or slept with him."
.
.
"Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the
husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Mr. Supaloaf?"
Debt Crisis at Central Kenya Ends
It is the month of Jan 2012, @ Central Kenya.
It is raining, and the town looks totally deserted. It is tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town.
He enters the only hotel, lays 3 notes of KES.1000/= on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.
The hotel proprietor takes the KES. 3000/=
and runs to pay his debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the KES. 3000/=, and runs to pay his debt to the pig farmer.
The pig farmer takes the KES. 3000/=, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of feed and fuel.
The supplier of the feed and fuel takes the
KES. 3000/= and runs to pay his debt to the town's prostitute that in these hard times, gave her 'services' on credit.
The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the KES. 3000/= to the hotel
proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.
The hotel proprietor then lays the KES. 3000/=back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.
At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his KES. 3000/=, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves Nyeri town.
No one earned anything, however, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is exactly how the world is doing business and barely surviving today!
It is raining, and the town looks totally deserted. It is tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town.
He enters the only hotel, lays 3 notes of KES.1000/= on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.
The hotel proprietor takes the KES. 3000/=
and runs to pay his debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the KES. 3000/=, and runs to pay his debt to the pig farmer.
The pig farmer takes the KES. 3000/=, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of feed and fuel.
The supplier of the feed and fuel takes the
KES. 3000/= and runs to pay his debt to the town's prostitute that in these hard times, gave her 'services' on credit.
The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the KES. 3000/= to the hotel
proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.
The hotel proprietor then lays the KES. 3000/=back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.
At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his KES. 3000/=, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves Nyeri town.
No one earned anything, however, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is exactly how the world is doing business and barely surviving today!
The Blind and the menu
A blind man walks into a little restaurant and sits down. The owner, walks up to him and hands him a menu.
"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a fork used by a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the man's table and hands it to him.
The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.
"Ah, yes, that's what I'll havemeatloaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen and tells his wife Gladys, the cook, what just happened.
The blind man eats and leaves.
Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.
"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry! I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a fork."
The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.
After another deep breath,the blind man says, "That smells great. I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."
Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife Gladys that the next time the blind man comes in she going to test him.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Gladys, rub this fork on your pussy before I take it to the blind man." Gladys complies and hands her husband the fork.
As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I have your fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, sniffs, and says, "Hey, I didn't know Gladys worked here!"
"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a fork used by a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the man's table and hands it to him.
The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.
"Ah, yes, that's what I'll havemeatloaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen and tells his wife Gladys, the cook, what just happened.
The blind man eats and leaves.
Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.
"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry! I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a fork."
The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.
After another deep breath,the blind man says, "That smells great. I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."
Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife Gladys that the next time the blind man comes in she going to test him.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Gladys, rub this fork on your pussy before I take it to the blind man." Gladys complies and hands her husband the fork.
As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I have your fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, sniffs, and says, "Hey, I didn't know Gladys worked here!"
getting too smart can get you screwed!!!
wife was sure that the husband was having sex with the maid,
so she laid a trap.
1 evening she sent the maid home 4 a weekend and didn't tell the husband.
that nght when thy wen to bed,
the husband gave da same old story."excuse me dear,my stomach is aching n went to de loo".
the wife promptly went into da maids bed.
she switched the lights off.
he came in silently, wasted no time and they started sexin.
when he finished,tha wife said - u didnt expect me in this bed,did u..?
n switched on the light.
no madam said the watchman.
.!moral of the story..sometyms getting too smart can get you screwed!!!
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